The journey of "Root" finding 1...(pardon the weird title:P)

This happened way before my last posts, during the time when I had nothing to do after graduation from high school, waiting for enrollment, and lazying in my comfortable home doing nothing but sleep, eat and sleep again.

Actually, it happened around one month before I came to Limkokwing, and I was glad that it happened around that time. My grandfather was planning to go back to China, back to where he belonged in Taipu, a Hakka village many years ago, but now a developing town. When I heard about the news, I joked that I want to go too, thinking that it was impossible to happen. But my father said, "Go lah, go back to your grandfather and my hometown ma, better than staying here doing nothing."

So the decision was made less than a day, I was to go with my mum, my eldest sister, my grandfather, my uncle, auntie and my cousins to China! I was very excited at that time because, frankly speaking, apart from the idea of going back to my hometown, which I didn't find that exciting at that time, we planned to go to Hong Kong Disneyland too!

The journey started when I board the airplane from Malaysia to Hong Kong. I'm not gonna make myself sound stupid by saying,"Oh! How interesting when the airplane started moving! Oh, look! The plane is flying upwards!"

We landed safely in Hong Kong airport(and I can tell you KLIA is better ;P) and we were greeted by my father's uncle, which is also my grandmother's step-brother, his second wife and his eldest grandson(I think). This is where I started to have the relationship confusion(note: there's more coming).

After meeting my granduncle, we went to the border between China and Hong Kong. After a few hours, we managed to cross it, and I was one of the unfortunate ones chosen to cross without a car. We reached downtown Shenzhen in the evening and we had to take a taxi to go to our hotel. This is the first time I saw a traffic which was much more crazy than the traffic in KL. they have four lanes in one direction, and the cars, buses and lorries were honking and changing lanes whenever they want and, trust me, you will turn crazy simply by looking at it. There's a saying that you can earn a lot if you open a car accessories shop because you'll sell a lot of honks. This explains why everywhere you go, you will hear the cars honking.

It's nearly night when we reached the hotel after two hours of trapping in the traffic. It was a bad hotel, only two star. After resting, We went down to a nearby Hakka restaurant to eat Hakka food and I met more relatives there which made my mental family tree more confusing. I had a hard time figuring out who was who, which was like solving a puzzle and it helped me pass my time as I couldn't finish my food(there's eel! Eewww!)

After the dinner, we went back to the hotel to rest. One of my granduncle's son came and talk to my mum. And I was an amusing sight watching them talking. My mum, who came from a Cantonese speaking family and had little knowledge of the Hakka language, tried to converse with him in Hakka as my granduncle's son insisted on speaking Hakka. My mum told me that they are very proud of their own identity, and no matter what, they'll insist on speaking their own language. The embarrassing truth is, I don't know Hakka, and since I couldn't understand what they were trying to say, the only way is for me to smile and nod. This experience made me understand the importance of knowing your own language. I know mandarin, but I would be better if I can speak with them in our own dialect.


The next day...to be continued...

Assignments and pressure and everything BAD!

Before I came to Limkokwing, I thought studying here is not going to be tough, there'll be less assignments compared to the other private universities. In short, I thought Limkokwing is fun and relaxing(that's what I read in the magazine...something like Limkokwing students spend more time outside classrooms than they do inside them).

But I was WRONG! Normally I won't care that much if my course(Foundation in Built Environment) requires us to do SOME assignments and study for exams and even attend classes everyday because I came here to study. I was worried about the course being too relaxing and I'm not going to learning much but the truth is, my course is a hell! I know foundation is supposed to be tough(to increase drop-out rate?) but this is just too much for me.

Don't get me wrong, I like to study. I'm eager to learn and I was prepared to study hard and excel in my exam when I came here. But my spirit is decreasing everyday by the copious amount of assignments that are killing me day by day! The reason I refused to study in Form Six was because I was tired of the schooling days in secondary school, I'm not a nerd(although I was constantly reminded by people of it because of my luckily-obtained results), I knew Form Six was going to be a tough journey and therefore I chose private colleges because I had no other choices as my applications for JPA scholarship, admission into metriculation and several other scholarships(including architecture in Taylor's) was rejected.

I'm considered myself an optimistic and sometimes happy-go-lucky person. I never felt stressful and broke down because of my academic. I burned midnight oils for my previous exams but I managed to get through them and stayed in the top class every year. I don't know how I did that but I know it's not going to work in Limkokwing if I really want to excel.

Since I came here, I put a lot of pressure on myself, telling myself that I have to obtain good grades in my assignments and tests. I'm different now, instead of feeling grateful, I became more stressful after I got my SPM result. My family has great expectation for me and I can't let them down. I have to do better than before and I really can't waste my parents money anymore. I can remember my eldest sister telling me, "What's the use of getting straight As in SPM? In the end you have to spend mum and dad's money. You must study hard and get scholarship." I don't blame her for saying that, because I'm feeling really guilty too. I tried to avoid the matter and didn't dare to think about what she said when I came, but I can't help but feeling really sad now while blogging.

Initially I wanted to blame the lecturers and the university for giving me so many assignments. But now, I realised this is a challenge for me. I used to have friends and family beside me but now I have to deal with this alone. I never had so many stress and now I don't really know what to do. Two of my friends broke down because of the pressure and I don't want to be the next. I can remember feeling really sad when I got C+ for one of my assignments. I spend two days just to cut out the extremely thick mounting board and assembled them until 3 or 4 in the morning the following days. I swear that it's quite good and I hoped I could get at least a B for it but in the end, I merely passed. I felt hopelessly hopeless and I don't understand why my tremendous effort wasn't being paid off in the end. One of the lectures even said that those who got C are those who simply did their models.

Because of the assignments, I get to sleep late every night(or day?) and I'm getting worse than ever. Even when I'm blogging now, I have several researches to be done and a model to think of. Hopefully I will get better grade this time.

I'm not feeling really good now...my pressure is coming back and I need to find something else to destress. Unfortunately, blogging about my assignments is not a good way. Therefore, I have to stop right now before I broke down :P. Hopefully I'll be able to blog once my assignments are finished, and then there'll be more coming.

Gotta finish that troubling assignment now....bye!

Lost Sweetness..

I've lived all the moments too soon,
Not taking these things for granted,
When I let you slip through my scorned fingers,
Grains of sand turned into solid granite,
I had to make decision alone,
To let your body go,
And to let your spirit be released,
Though i miss you soo...
I've done nothing wrong,
To have this kind of punishment...
But, not me,
Neither did you,
But still we were both wrong,
I lift your sweet head,
To match my sullen face,
To have one last embrace,
Until we meet again, my sweet love..
At the end of time...
Pray that we will never be seperated again,
And the memory we shared together last,
I will always remember,
Your last word,
Telling me to.. LIVE...


I love you~~~

The meaning of being...??

I walk the day and the night... I feel and see what others don’t see... I feel Feeling an endless stream of coldness and desperation deep within my soul... As I walk along the pathway that I used to use, I realized much have changed drastically... Do you remember the story of an old man used to live down the road? Who used to walk his dog and lived his life freely and happily? Do you remember the little girl who used to live in the Plaza Hotel down New York Street? You know, little Eloise, who lived with her nanny? How time have passed since her death... Will her spirit linger within the hotel, running around the hotel, calling for her nanny and making mischievous act where ever she go?

Why is this feeling here? Why is it that when we lost something that we dear most, we feel that we will never be the person that we used to be... When things are disappearing one by one, then we start to realize how precious things are, though it’s so hard to admit it, and we tend to hide our feelings even though we are broken inside. We become a new person that we don’t even know... Someone that we ourselves are scared off...

This morning, I had a nasty nightmare... The name suggests it all, doesn’t it? A friend of mine... Shin Wei... Sorry...

I watched him slowly fading within my eyes... I couldn’t do anything to help... As I watched helplessly, I feel really dejected and sad... I saw him there, fading... I can barely hear what he said to me... “Wake me up inside. Take me away from the dark... Breathe into me and make me real…Adieu...” Its as if I just lost a part of myself.. I can’t help it, though as much that I wish I could... Then it came to me...

I can’t always get what I want……

Frustration beheld me every now and then... I feel like taking revenge... Revenge to those who took him away... Those who did this to me!! The lost of Eugene took a lot out of me... I lost a part of myself... I feel scared, empty, hollow... I want to do everything in my power just to get him back...

But how?? How oh how? Please, give me a sign.. Anything?? Losing any of my friends is beyond words.. It’s unbearable.. It left a hole in my heart, waiting to be filled again with something.. I feel like crying.. I want to save him, but I don’t know how.. Please.. Please.. I find myself hitting the ground with my very fist, trying to channel my anger and frustration towards Mother Nature instead…….

…

…

…

What can one do when one loose what matters most..

I walk the day and night.. On the very same path that I used to take.. But somehow, I’m not forevermore the same person that used to walk it anymore.. I’m a new person now.. I discovered there’s another person in me.. One that I fear, one that I don’t even know who or what.. One that I fear.. One that changed me ……………….

I am happy outside..But deep within my containment, I’m just another sad boy, yearning for affection and love, just like any other human……. When I think back on all these time, I know I'm sad but blessed be, I have my friends.. My sweet friends, that I will treasure forever...

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Thanks guys..

Okay~ Soo Democratic-Like.. Huhu~

* Okay… Ouch.. Ouch… Received a very painful comment.. Anyway I’ll just publish it as a reminder to myself in the future.. Thank you for the comment, it was very.. Err.. Just say simply, that it woke up my senses.. Hehe..

And i thought its democratic enough~ Hurm..

Okay, thanks to my mom for being so generous and kind to buy me a laptop. I am more than delighted!!! WAHA!! (*spoiler zone* happened long time ago, but I feel like writing about it now.. Hehe~)

Before the National Day celebration, a lot of friends keep telling me that some cad made a song named "negarakuku", which he uploaded in YouTube.. Out of curiousity, I checked it out.. Hehe.. (Well I only managed to view it after a good few minutes waiting for the video to load and buffer.. ) And honestly, i felt for the song. For the first few minutes i thought my face was burning. Burning with rage and animosity! I had a sudden urge to blog about it.

First of all, i don't hate the government or anything. I remember i posted an entry saying how i hated the government staff working ethics? Yea, everyone knows they suck. It is mentioned in that video in question too! They don't give a whatsoever damn how long you have waited or how long you still HAVE TO WAIT. And they are undeniably lazy. (I am not saying all, sorry if you work for government and feel very unfair and abused because you work your ass out everyday, I am referring to those who eat ' nyonya kuih' and makes you wait)

It's so unfair!

I believe that bugger Wee Meng Chee was merely expressing how he feels. Or rather, how most of the Malaysian-Chinese(well, i am one okay? hehe.. partly.. ) feel. Or, how I feel, partly.

Come on my very just Malaysian Government (liars go to heaven)! IT'S ONLY A SONG! A song that completely abide the democracy! Nothing better to do is it? There are soooooooooooooooo many rapist,thieves,robbers,murderer,sadistic fat lumpy balding pervertised uncles out there can??? Why I don't see you working to f'cking hard to arrest all of them huh?!

Totally wasting time and resources to 'prove' that you can solve this.. what? BIG CASE is it? ok ok, very proud of you son! Done a really good job! Going to get you new school bag k? GO TO BED LAH!

Please, would you do something more benefitful to the people? And improve what our country is short of, not shortening it can!?

Why they made it such a big deal huh?

Shuk Ling said,(one of my friend~She's in Nottingham University) 'the UMNO urge the government to arrest him again!'

"Hurm.. Okay.. That really is a turn-off.. "

Well, i have to write at least ONE sentence that make sense.. If it ain't true, why the hell do you care so much what others say, or in this case, sing about you? Be adults la weh! If you think it isn't very true, you are more than welcome to ignore it. Don't be so 'mating' prekindergarten ( mom kind of forbid me using the word 'fucking', oops! but who cares, i fucking don't want to obey! Haha!! i am such a rebellion! )


Do what adults do! Okay, not all adults, most of them blame each other... Anyway, do what is suppose to be done ages ago! i.e. CORRECTION! Mend that smelly mangled shoes! Fire all the lazy staffs! Don't spoon feed them anymore, i plead.


I am so tired and sleepy now... I will blog tomorrow, or day after. I promised! I know there is dateline and all, but, arrgghhh~~ Pity me.. Have mercy~

*I am still browsing for more articles about Negarakuku....*

Selayang Trip~

Okay~ So like, I haven’t been blogging for a while.. Hurm.. Blame it on the tremendous amount of assignments that I have been getting from my classes, especially Design Class.. Hehe~

Dang.. Okay, I’m thoroughly beat here. Too tired yet soo much work need to be done in time.. Hahahah~

Yesterday, Saturday, 8^th of September 2007, went to Selayang with my team members…(spoiler zone)

“The tip to Selayang is for our Malaysian Studies group project.. We were supposed to go to a selected area of a community and do research about its economic activities, education level, etc.. For our group, we; I chose Selayang over many other places just because I’ve been to Selayang before during my National Service, and it brings soo much good memories.. Tee hee..”

So like, we al agreed to meet at Serdang Commuter Station, where we would be taking the commuter to Kepong, and taking a cab to Selayang.. Little did I know that I would be spending a few good hours, just waiting for the others to arrive.. Hehehe~ So there, waiting my butt out at the station, trying to look less suspicious(since there’s a bunch of surly looking guys eyeing me~ Ugh~Talk about being rude~ humph) then, ahhh.. My lifesaver… Shanna came to the rescue!!! Yayyyyy!!! Hehehe~ I was like,”Oh thank God!!” But that doesn’t help the fact that I hit her head with a big steel piece.. Chewah!! Jokez.. Hehe~ And shortlu after that, Fares came.. Yes!! Things are looking very nice now.. Heheheh~

But (speaks grimly), we…are….still…waiting….again….and….again….

Then, after waitin for about half an hour or so, Chong showed up with her boyfriend.. Okay.. One down, three more to go.. Hehehe~ Three as in Amru, Kaka and Jindo.. Hurm… Where could they be??? Why are they making me wait?? Heheheh~

Okay.. Something have to be done.. Humph!!! (triumphant sneer) So, weall just decided that after Amru arrive, we would just go ahead with our journey, while Kaka and Jindo would pursue on us… Sorry about that, but we really really running out of time.. Hehehe~ Not to mention wasting out time..

Awww… When we finaly reached Kepong, Jindo called me and tell me that they just arrived at KTM Serdang.. Arrrgghhh, I said.. Hehe.. Asked them to take the next train to Kepong, and me, Amru and Fares wait for them.. Oh I forgot to mention that Shanna, and Chong and boyfriend went to Selayang by car.. Hehe~

Okay.. Skip all the intro and all, after a hours and a good cry at the station, we all managed to gather up at Majlis Perbandaran Selayang; all safe and.. errr… Safe? Hehe~ Then we kind of split up so we can cover more ground.. Hehe~ In the end, I ended up with the rest of the group while Chong and boyfriend proceed with their car and take pictures on their own.. So I gave her (Chong) the list of pictures and info that we need and there she goes…. Hehe~

Then, me, Shanna, Jindo, Kaka, Amru and Fares embark on our journey.. We took pictures while modeling with the phone booth, playground etc.. Its soo much fun.. Hehe~Hurm.. I’ll try and put pictures later… Hurm.. Hehehe~

Hehe.. Okay.. I just skip right to the conclusion.. Sigh~ Still have assignments left to do.. Hehe~

In a nut shell, the journey, the trip was super fun, although we had a late start.. Everything went well with no difficulties and all.. Hehe~ Everybody was tired, of that I have no denial.. Hehe.. I am tired myself.. Sigh~ Well, we managed to take a lot of photos.. I’m looking forward to put it here in this blog so all of you can see it and tell how much fun that we had.. Hehe~

Till then, see ya~

*there's a lot of wrong spelling.. sowey~~~~

Frenzs Forever!!!!

Dinner At Shakeys Pizza, IOI Shopping Mall~


Wish u all were here to eat wif us!!!!

Over-full.. Have to play bingo~ hehehe~

Hehe~