The meaning of being...??

I walk the day and the night... I feel and see what others don’t see... I feel Feeling an endless stream of coldness and desperation deep within my soul... As I walk along the pathway that I used to use, I realized much have changed drastically... Do you remember the story of an old man used to live down the road? Who used to walk his dog and lived his life freely and happily? Do you remember the little girl who used to live in the Plaza Hotel down New York Street? You know, little Eloise, who lived with her nanny? How time have passed since her death... Will her spirit linger within the hotel, running around the hotel, calling for her nanny and making mischievous act where ever she go?

Why is this feeling here? Why is it that when we lost something that we dear most, we feel that we will never be the person that we used to be... When things are disappearing one by one, then we start to realize how precious things are, though it’s so hard to admit it, and we tend to hide our feelings even though we are broken inside. We become a new person that we don’t even know... Someone that we ourselves are scared off...

This morning, I had a nasty nightmare... The name suggests it all, doesn’t it? A friend of mine... Shin Wei... Sorry...

I watched him slowly fading within my eyes... I couldn’t do anything to help... As I watched helplessly, I feel really dejected and sad... I saw him there, fading... I can barely hear what he said to me... “Wake me up inside. Take me away from the dark... Breathe into me and make me real…Adieu...” Its as if I just lost a part of myself.. I can’t help it, though as much that I wish I could... Then it came to me...

I can’t always get what I want……

Frustration beheld me every now and then... I feel like taking revenge... Revenge to those who took him away... Those who did this to me!! The lost of Eugene took a lot out of me... I lost a part of myself... I feel scared, empty, hollow... I want to do everything in my power just to get him back...

But how?? How oh how? Please, give me a sign.. Anything?? Losing any of my friends is beyond words.. It’s unbearable.. It left a hole in my heart, waiting to be filled again with something.. I feel like crying.. I want to save him, but I don’t know how.. Please.. Please.. I find myself hitting the ground with my very fist, trying to channel my anger and frustration towards Mother Nature instead…….

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What can one do when one loose what matters most..

I walk the day and night.. On the very same path that I used to take.. But somehow, I’m not forevermore the same person that used to walk it anymore.. I’m a new person now.. I discovered there’s another person in me.. One that I fear, one that I don’t even know who or what.. One that I fear.. One that changed me ……………….

I am happy outside..But deep within my containment, I’m just another sad boy, yearning for affection and love, just like any other human……. When I think back on all these time, I know I'm sad but blessed be, I have my friends.. My sweet friends, that I will treasure forever...

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Thanks guys..