Assignments and pressure and everything BAD!

Before I came to Limkokwing, I thought studying here is not going to be tough, there'll be less assignments compared to the other private universities. In short, I thought Limkokwing is fun and relaxing(that's what I read in the magazine...something like Limkokwing students spend more time outside classrooms than they do inside them).

But I was WRONG! Normally I won't care that much if my course(Foundation in Built Environment) requires us to do SOME assignments and study for exams and even attend classes everyday because I came here to study. I was worried about the course being too relaxing and I'm not going to learning much but the truth is, my course is a hell! I know foundation is supposed to be tough(to increase drop-out rate?) but this is just too much for me.

Don't get me wrong, I like to study. I'm eager to learn and I was prepared to study hard and excel in my exam when I came here. But my spirit is decreasing everyday by the copious amount of assignments that are killing me day by day! The reason I refused to study in Form Six was because I was tired of the schooling days in secondary school, I'm not a nerd(although I was constantly reminded by people of it because of my luckily-obtained results), I knew Form Six was going to be a tough journey and therefore I chose private colleges because I had no other choices as my applications for JPA scholarship, admission into metriculation and several other scholarships(including architecture in Taylor's) was rejected.

I'm considered myself an optimistic and sometimes happy-go-lucky person. I never felt stressful and broke down because of my academic. I burned midnight oils for my previous exams but I managed to get through them and stayed in the top class every year. I don't know how I did that but I know it's not going to work in Limkokwing if I really want to excel.

Since I came here, I put a lot of pressure on myself, telling myself that I have to obtain good grades in my assignments and tests. I'm different now, instead of feeling grateful, I became more stressful after I got my SPM result. My family has great expectation for me and I can't let them down. I have to do better than before and I really can't waste my parents money anymore. I can remember my eldest sister telling me, "What's the use of getting straight As in SPM? In the end you have to spend mum and dad's money. You must study hard and get scholarship." I don't blame her for saying that, because I'm feeling really guilty too. I tried to avoid the matter and didn't dare to think about what she said when I came, but I can't help but feeling really sad now while blogging.

Initially I wanted to blame the lecturers and the university for giving me so many assignments. But now, I realised this is a challenge for me. I used to have friends and family beside me but now I have to deal with this alone. I never had so many stress and now I don't really know what to do. Two of my friends broke down because of the pressure and I don't want to be the next. I can remember feeling really sad when I got C+ for one of my assignments. I spend two days just to cut out the extremely thick mounting board and assembled them until 3 or 4 in the morning the following days. I swear that it's quite good and I hoped I could get at least a B for it but in the end, I merely passed. I felt hopelessly hopeless and I don't understand why my tremendous effort wasn't being paid off in the end. One of the lectures even said that those who got C are those who simply did their models.

Because of the assignments, I get to sleep late every night(or day?) and I'm getting worse than ever. Even when I'm blogging now, I have several researches to be done and a model to think of. Hopefully I will get better grade this time.

I'm not feeling really good now...my pressure is coming back and I need to find something else to destress. Unfortunately, blogging about my assignments is not a good way. Therefore, I have to stop right now before I broke down :P. Hopefully I'll be able to blog once my assignments are finished, and then there'll be more coming.

Gotta finish that troubling assignment now....bye!